Brother David. Tell me about exhaustion.

I looked up at Brother David, the nearest thing I had to a truly wise person in my life, and found myself almost blurting.

"Brother David?"
I uttered in such an old, petitionary, Catholic way that I almost thought he was going to say, " Yes, my son?" But he did not; he turned his face toward me, following the spontaneous note of desparate sincerity, and simply waited.

"Tell me about exhaustion," I said.

He looked at me with an acute, searching, compassionate ferocity for the briefest of moments, as if trying to sum up the entirety of the situation and without missing a beat, as if he had been waiting all along, to say a life-changing thing to me. He said, in the form both of a question and an assertion:

"You know the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest?"

"The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest," I repeated woodenly, as if I might exhaust myself completely before I reached the end of the sentence. "What is it then?"

"The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness."

He looked at me for a wholehearted moment, ...


"Crossing the unknown sea" by David Whyte

Thoughts in Solitude -ThomasMerton

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.


Thoughts in Solitude pp.83 -ThomasMerton
(bridges to contemplative living with thomas merton
one: entering the school of your experience)

Letters to Marc about Jesus -"Secularize"Jesus

Henri Nouwen "Letters to Marc about Jesus - Living a Spiritual Life in a Material World"

In the course of writing, I have discovered for myself the great extent to which I am inclined to "secularize"Jesus. Instinctively, I look to Jesus for a cheap liberation, a solutiuon to my problems, help with my desire for success, getting even with my opponents, and a good measure of publicity (recognition).

I look to Jesus for freedom from the physical world, but not freedom to the Spiritual Life.

Isn't Jesus enough? (John 3:16)

gIsn't Jesus enough?

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

The song says "Jesus, God's righteousness revealed. Jesus, redemption sacrifice. Jesus, the expression of God's love. Jesus, God's holiness displayed."

God asks me "Isn't Jesus enough for you, Li Boey?"
Though I really want and hope to say within the deepest of my heart to God that Jesus is enough. But I know I still am not able to totally own that reply.

"God, Jesus isn't enough for me yet."

"Why?"I ask myself why isn't Jesus enough?

And my heart replies me"It isn't that Jesus isn't enough but I want more than enough. I want what Jesus will not promise."
Because I am scared, I am confused, I am insecured, I want more.

God, help me
to see Jesus clearly
to love him dearly
to follow him closely.

so that Jesus is enough for me.

Agnus Dei - Lamb of God

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem.

Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, grant us peace.

Jesus, Lamb of God, have mercy on us.
Jesus, bearer of our sins, have mercy on us.
Jesus, redeemer of the world, grant us peace.

O Lamb of God, that takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us.
O Lamb of God, that takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us.
O Lamb of God, that takest away the sins of the world, grant us thy peace.

Robinson Crusoe

When I feel like having no way to go, I like to remember the story of Robinson Crusoe. I don't remember much of the story (and I read the Children Illustrated version) but just like to take comfort in the part that he "needed" to stay on the island for 28 years.

A young man weighs two very different options for his future. Robinson can either settle down to a comfortable career in law or set sail for faraway places, as he passionately longs to do. Although his family urges him to choose the safer path, Robinson cannot resist the lure of the sea.

Robinson Crusoe who hopes to find fame and fortune on the high seas, but a fierce ocean storm wrecks his ship and leaves him stranded by himself on an uncharted island. Left to fend for himself, Crusoe seeks out a tentative survival on the island, … …

Blue moments

I was 25 penniless, alone, frightened and ill. I was living in a garret. Ihad no friends and I was far from family. My days were spentworking in an antique resotration shop of an embittered alcoholic man, and my nights were spent wandering the streets watching the oassinglives of people who neither spoke my language nor knew of my cares.
I had never been so alone.

The mother of the man for whom Iworked was a very insightful woman. As a child, she had watched the Nazis comeinto her classroom and take the Jewish children away. No one spoken of it and class went on as if nothing had happened. But day by day, night by night,she saw her friends and playmates disappear.

She became a watcher and survivor.

One day she took me inside.
"I watch you," she said. "I see the loneliness in your eyes. I watch your heart running away. You are like so many people. When life is hard, they try to look over the difficulty into the future. Or they long for the happiness of the past. Time is their enemy.The day they are lving is their enemy. They are dead to the moment. They live only for the future or the past. But that is wrong.

"You must learn to seek the blue moment," she said.

She sat down beside me and continued. "The blue moment can happen any time or any place. It is a moment when you are truly alive to the world around you. It can be a moment of love or a moment of terror. You may not know it when it happens. It may only reveal itself in memory. But if you are patient and open your heart, the blue moment will come. My childhood classmates are dead, but I have the blue moments when we looked in each other's eyes"

I turned and stared into her lined and gentle face.

"Listen carefully to me," she continued."This is a blue moment. I really believe it. We will never forget it. At this moment you and I are closer to any other human beings. Seize this moment. Hold it. Don't turn fromit. It will pass andwewill be as we were. But this is a blue moment,and the blue moments string us together like pearls to make up your life. It is up to you to find them. It is upto you to bring them alive in others."

"Always seek the blue moment," she said, and returned to her work.


(Taken from Small Graces - the quiet gifts of everyday life, by Ken Nerburn)

This is the dark gift

The look on her face is numb disbelief. "it can't be," she says. Then, "Why me? Why now?"
It is not a great injury - a broken ankle. But it had been so unexpected.

This is the first time Alex has collided with an indifferent world. Everything else has up to now has been negotiable, has been arguable. Everything else up to now could be avoided, escaped, bought off, laughed away.

But this is real; this is hers. No one can change it, make it right, make it fair. It is life - an absolute without explanation - that is indifferent to her plans and dreams.

We try to comfort her and tell her it will be all right. Stories and jokes flow of similar experiences. But at heart, there is a small darkness, absolute and irrefutable, that separates us from her and leaves her ultimately and utterly alone.

"This is the dark gift," I tell her.
"Gift?" she says, almost derisively.
"Now you know."
"What do I know?" she protests. "I know that my life is ruined."
"No, your life isn't ruined. Now your life is your life. No one else can fix it or change it. No one else can be blamed. This is yours. And it is up to you what you will make of it."

She hobbles off, consumed in her own sadness. It hurts me to have sounded so callous. But this is a harsh truth,and there was no virtue in denying its existence.

The dark gifts. It comes to us all. The truth you cannot deny that makes you one with the aloneness of others.

(Taken from Small Graces - the quiet gifts of everyday life, by Ken Nerburn)

Best Wishes for 37th Birthday

You have a place in the world that is unique,
a path to walk that is yours alone.

You have a spirit bold and bright,
quick to care and to create.

You have so many dreams to seek,
so many talents all your own,

so much in you that is good and right.

Enjoy life!
Happy Birthday.

John 20 - Who is it?

"Who is it?" is a game we play with our loved ones.

Mary was standing outside the tomb crying. Peter and John came and went, they have their own thoughts to be sorted out. So she was on her own again. She was just there, crying, helplessly crying. Can't think, can't act.

Looking over to the spot where the Lord was last laid, was there but not anymore. Looking from a distance, not drawing near.

Angels!!! Sitting in the tomb. Two of them, sitting where the body was. Helping her with a question "Why are you crying?"

Taken away, I don't know... where.

The Lord!!! Standing there. Where is there???
- Just behind Mary, looking where she was looking?
- Just beside Mary, hearing her crying to the angels?
When was the Lord there?

Unable to recognise it was the Lord, the Lord asked Mary "Who is it you are looking for?"
Just like the game we play. Hands over the eyes, "Who is it?" "It is Me." Hands removed, eyes opened, head turned and both persons smile at the revelation and recognition.

"Mary."
"Rabboni!"


++++
10Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
13They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him."

14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
15"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."
16Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

Passion - the Agony and the Ecstasy

Many of us have been asked "What is your passion?" and many of us upon consideration, may reply "I don't know." Or maybe reply "Teaching, selling, research, painting, cars, women, ...."

Of course, in the course of growing up, out of necessity of being useful, we discover and develop more of our competencies. We follow the path of security. The subject of passion later catches on and we suddenly feel the need to be passionate but don't know what our passions are.

But the first question may be what is passion? Is it interest, is it enjoyment, something that gives us good feel, makes us tick, we are not tired from it, energized by it?

Today I was confessing to a friend I don't know what my passsion is. I don't know what I like.

And my friend explains that Passion is not just enjoyment, feel good, interest, likings.
He said the word Passion also carries the meaning of suffering, something I am willing to suffer for and to die for.

Passion - the whole experience of the agony and the ecstasy, the steadfastness in the conviction, to the point of laying down one's life for it.

I guess I lack not passion, but the courage of laying down my life, of going through the whole experience of agony and ecstasy.

(The nearest I can think of for most is MONEY.)